I was deeply in love yet she was cheating on me.
“Freddy please give me one last chance… You’re the one I love and I can’t get over this feeling… Please find it in your heart to forgive me.. ” Snider texted me in my inbox. “Our love is broken, Snider. I don’t even want to think about it. You have given me enough reasons to believe that I have been wasting my time. I don’t need your fake love anymore . Please understand me. Busy yourself with your new guy. Goodbye and don’t ever text or think about me. ” was the only response I got. I had stretched beyond my elastic limit in that relationship.
People speak of their partners meaning a world to them. Snider was not a world to me. She was my forever person. My future. Both of us were in form three when we first met. I remember I had gone home for mid-term break when I realized a new face had graced my village. She was the talk of the village. Every dude wanted her but only a few gathered courage to approach her. I guess it’s because of her sheer beauty and the fact that she was a “city girl”. She was slim, chocolate in complexion, with a bewitching gap at the centre of her upper set teeth. Her eyes were blue. She was an emblem of beauty.
I was on an errand to buy soap and sugar from the nearby shops when I bumped into Snider. She was in the company of her friends and headed to the opposite direction. I looked at her for some time until she noticed me, she smiled and looked aside. I didn’t approach her at that time because I was nervous. No, I didn’t know what to tell her. I didn’t know how to speak to a girl. We passed each other but every time I looked back and our eyes met, she smiled at me. A smile that literally withered my inside and set my heart a blaze. I had fallen deeply in love with this girl. I gave myself time.
I was crossing a bridge when I thought l saw a girl washing at the shore of the river. It was Snider. Busy washing and humming the song ” Angel of mine” by Monica . Her voice was melodic. She suddenly noticed my presence, stopped singing and covered her face with a “shoal”. Maybe she was shy, maybe she was in love too. ” Hi girl !” I finally found my speech. ” Hi too! ” Snider replied while avoiding my eyes studiously. ” You’re such a damsel . My name is Fredrick. What’s your name and do you mind me helping you wash those clothes? ” I asked. Asking questions has always been my thing.”Thanks for your compliment Freddy . My name is Snider. Don’t worry yourself about these clothes. I mean, I can manage.” she answered but this time looking straight into my eyes. Here was the girl I wanted.
Her body, though slim, seemed soft. I felt like hugging her. “Can we meet in the evening when you’re free and talk more, please? I really want to spend some more time with you.” I asked her. “It’s okay Freddy. Hope I won’t be busy with house chores,” she replied. I didn’t have any comments to add. I simply thanked her and took my leave.
We met that evening and laid the foundation of our relationship. The year was 2014. We met two more times before the mid-term break elapsed and we both went back to school. I schooled at Kisii School. She was from Maryhill Girls Nairobi. I went back to school partly happy and partly heartbroken. Happy because she had accepted to be my special friend. And heartbroken because I knew she was gone. She had come to visit her aunty and thus expecting her back any soon would be a mere imagination. But love is a noun which denotes mutual feelings and a verb which denotes commitment. I had to be optimistic that one day I’ll find my way back to her arms again. The song “Queen Of My Heart ” by Westlife became my comforter.
April 2016 was the month I joined St Anne’s college at Kisii town to study a course in ICT. My KCSE results were out and I had passed with an A plain. It’s customary in my place for students to enrol and pursue a computer-related course prior to joining campus. It’s here that I met Dan. He was taking a different course (ACCA). We got to know each other and exchanged phone numbers. I had a Samsung J1 smartphone, therefore, I could do Whatsapp. Later that evening, Dan uploaded a profile picture of a girl. The girl looked familiar but I couldn’t remember exactly where I had seen her. It was not Snider. ” Bro, who is that hot chic on your profile?..” I inquired. ” Call her Leocadia. She’s actually my cousin who stays in Nairobi,” he answered stressing the name Nairobi. ‘Leocardia!’ I remembered she was Snider’s elder sister. I knew her very well. I explained to Dan about my long disconnected love and he was willing to give me Leocadia’s phone number.
That’s how our long disconnected conversation with Snider was restored. I had longed to hear from her for a whole year. So many things had changed. She had grown to equal her sister. Her beauty had multiplied. Her pics drove me to a frenzy. She also had passed her exams scoring a B+. The calls were frequent, and texting the whole day is all we wanted. We became so close, organized meetings which went as per planned. On my arm was always a bracelet bearing ” Snider my love “. She had one too with the same message but bearing my name. I had not fallen in love before. I was just a “village boy” with limited exposure. I loved with innocence. That feeling can be felt even now.
” Okay dear, I will come on Saturday ” the message popped up on my phone. Confirming the sender, it was Snider. I didn’t understand that message because we were not conversing at the time she sent it. I felt like breaking into pieces but then composed myself . I beeped her and inquired about the intended recipient of that message. ” Sorry, it was not my message. My sister was using my phone ” was all she told me. I believed her.
I had joined the Technical University Of Kenya by then. She was also a first year in Moi University. My family had organized for a fund raising to pay my first year fee. Therefore, I used my first Helb loan to open a barber shop back at home. That insured my pocket money and extra cash to spend as fare whenever I missed my queen.
That Saturday Snider told me that her phone was low on battery and that there was a power outage in her residence. I didn’t take that lightly. I asked her to ensure her phone stays on the whole day but by 2 pm it was off. I called several times but the result was the same. The text I received the previous day was in itself a shocker. Was this girl seeing another dude? I had no idea. Later that evening she called me and apologized. I still forgave her. But by now my trust was getting compromised. I hated the feeling that soon I would lose her. I was starting to doubt her. I talked to her about my recent insecurities but she dismissed them and assured me that everything was fine. Love creates blindness which obscure reality.
I didn’t believe my eyes at first when I saw a guy upload a picture of himself with Snider, cuddling like romantic lovers. I perused through the guy’s wall and saw more pics of them together. Hell broke loose. New things started popping up in my mind as old ones acquired new meanings. Life seemed meaningless. What would I have done differently? What did this guy have that I lacked? Was it money? I inboxed the guy, got his number and created a WhatsApp group for the three of us. All I wanted to know was the reason she did that to me. I didn’t want her anymore. A real partner cannot be stolen. That’s what I believed. If she gave that dude a chance it simply meant I was nothing to her.
Her apologies landed on deaf ears this time. I had made up my mind. She told me via a phone call that she was with the other guy for the money, nothing intimate. That’s the creepiest thing I have ever heard from a girl. How could a man invest in her without expecting anything in return? I terminated the relationship permanently. But still, believe she was my forever person that I lost. Sometimes I miss her but I rub that feeling with the fact that she cheated on me. That’s why in my room, there’s a big chart with a quote on the wall I wrote the same day stating ” IT IS BETTER TO HAVE LOVED AND LOST THAN NEVER TO HAVE LOVED AT ALL…”