My name is Peter. I’ll start by saying that I come from a very poor background. I literally struggle a lot to remain in School. I am a first-year student at the TUK. However, my story is not set there but back in Highschool. I went to Bradford* High school (name withheld).
So Back in Bradford, I struggled a lot with school life. I was a looser and I liked keeping to myself ( I’m an introvert ). A fact which mainly owes to my background. To make it worse, I didn’t perform very well so I didn’t have many friends. Back in form three, no one wanted to be my deskmate. I just had to sit alone Infront of the class. Until I met another loser like me. Brian*( name changed to protect identity).
Brian was a better performer than I was and came from a far much better background financially. Then he had this kind of girl like behaviour. That alone made him a loser too. We got off very smoothly and with no time we were best friends. We shared the house we slept in and soon enough I moved to his cubicle. ( In Bradford they have cubicles which carry six students per cubicle). Better still I became his bedmate.
Brian really helped me in my school work. I improved greatly and within no time, I was a top performer too. We’d stay in class and revise together till late at night. Then we shared one thing. We all loved reading papers. Brian had plenty of them and could easily afford to have them leaked in school by the cooks and watchmen. So we would read them together. In particular, there was a pulse which we loved. It had a lot of girls which we would fantasize about. Sometimes we would be alone in class fantasizing about the girls.
It became a routine and we continued with life at Bradford. Brian and I continued getting closer to the point where we became confidantes. I told him everything about myself and he did the same. He was very helpful especially after learning about my background. He used to buy me a lot of stuff at the canteen and even introduced me to his father during one of the visiting days. He was so nice to me that I began developing feelings towards him.
I tried my best to ignore them but I simply couldn’t. He was always there for me, gave me cash whenever I needed it. In fact, he used to escort me home. He’d come to my hometown and we’d have a lot of snacks and visit shopping malls to do a little window shopping during closing days. I feared that I would lose him if I told him about my feelings. What made it worse is that I’m extremely shy.
Just like all shy people I relied on physical communication to show my affection towards him. I kept trying to convince myself that I wasn’t going gay. We had a little scuffle and we didn’t get along very well for about two days. Then there was another guy who was also a good friend. So during the two days, I talked to him a lot. Brian got mad at that. He was trying his best to try and make me feel the same. He too had a guy. That’s when I realized that my feelings for him were mutual. We went for the December holidays and I promised myself to get over him soonest.
I didn’t, in fact, I only got more hooked to him. I began missing him and I couldn’t wait for the next year to come so that we could be back together. When school reopened we became deskmates once again. Now that we were in form four we had to study even harder. We even set goals together. Every time we achieved we would celebrate by having a special treat at the canteen. By this time we had forgotten about other side guys we had. Our friendship was strongest and even our grades were nearing perfection but as always date always has something in store.
We fought again. Our friendship was hurt but we continued being deskmates and bedmates. Our grades were dropping, I even almost got a supplementary back in the first term. I really tried to get our friendship back to where it was but clearly, Brian had moved on. He was more focused and didn’t seem to care anymore. I was hurt and my grades continued dropping. I had no friend to turn to anymore. Finally, I decided to take the last measure to save our friendship. To tell him what I felt about him. To my surprise, he reacted coldly but I made him promise not to tell anyone about it.
So I continued trying to continue reading without any help. This time I was becoming more competent and even beat Brian on several tests. Just before KCSE, I started forcing myself to Brian.I really wouldn’t want the school life to end without having another last chance to enjoy true friendship.
Surprisingly Brian was more than ready to accept me back. I guess he had missed me too. We just took off from where we left. This time it was even better. We even started washing each other’s clothes and spent most of the time together. We studied together and the good old days were seemingly back. Then we openly talked about our feelings. We promised not to act on them. Then one fine morning, about 4.00 am Brian, woke me up. We used to wake up about 6.00am so I got worried.
He told me he couldn’t hold it back any longer and wanted to act on his feelings. I don’t know what got into me because we began cuddling immediately. Then I went for his trousers and unfastened them. The rest just happened without our unsuspecting cubemates noticing. It was clear he hadn’t had any sexual experience before. He told me he felt guilty after that.
I wasn’t at my right mind after that. I wanted to feel the same and I asked him to reciprocate. I pushed him so hard that one night when we had no exam the next day, he came to me and asked me to sneak in the house. That night we went full gay mode. We did everything we wished and fantasized about.
After that night Brian could no longer talk to me. I tried to ask him what was wrong but he was too cold. Our friendship had received its final blow and it wasn’t anywhere near recovering. There was no time left for it to heal. So I took the rest of my papers stressed and they might have actually affected my performance.
We finished school we didn’t talk again but I beat him in the final exam. I scored an A- and he scored a B. I’ve never shared this with anyone and I’d like to thank Storydrums for the opportunity to share. It feels like a heavy burden off my chest.