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The pain and guilt I have been through after abortion.

The pain and guilt I have been through after abortion.

When I joined campus, all the girls around me had boyfriends and active sex lives. I had neither. I felt pressured to conform to this trend because I did not want to be left out.

There was a man who sold smokies and eggs outside our school and we were kind of friends. At times he would give me smokies for free: mind you, this was a lot for a campus student like me with no money. One day, he asked me out for drinks and I agreed. I had my reservations about the guy but I had never been asked out before so I didn’t think that saying no was an option. Turns out we were to drink indoors at his place.

I had never taken alcohol before so I requested that he buy me a bottle of wine, which he did. He was taking vodka. We talked for so long that I barely realised how much time had flown. It was at 1 am and he offered that I sleep at his house and leave in the morning. I was really grateful for his kindness.

Being both under the influence of alcohol, we started making out and before long we were having sex. We did not use protection and I didn’t ask any questions. I discovered that I was pregnant a month later, after missing my monthly periods. I thought of all the bad things people would say, let alone how disappointed my parents would be. I could not tell anyone, not even the man responsible. I had to get rid of it fast.

I confided in my roommate who took me to a woman who sold abortion pills. I had to part with three thousand shillings but I knew that I had no other choice. Nothing happened for the following two or so weeks, and then I began to bleed. The blood was so much that I had to use five or more sanitary towels a day.

One evening I started bleeding heavily and I had run out of pads. I sent my roommate to the store and decided to go sit on the toilet bowl in the meantime to avoid soiling anything in the room. She knocked on the door and I stood up to pick the packet from her. I felt something fall through my thighs. I slowly turned my head from the door to the floor and witnessed one of the most grotesque scenes I have seen to date.

A small body lay right there on the floor, lifeless. It was the size of a small mango but I could see the makings of hands and feet. It was indisputable that I was looking at my baby. I was overcome by lightheadedness that took all my strength away.

When I came to my senses, I was lying in a hospital bed, my parents by my side. From the looks in their eyes I could tell that they knew what had transpired. I will never forget how disgusted my father was at the sight of me. ” You have decided to be a murderer, I see. Like mother like daughter,” he spat out and stormed out of the ward.

I recuperated and was discharged into my parents care. My mother suggested that I resume school immediately, which I did. She said that I had learned my lesson but my father, has not spoken to me since.

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